The Gift of Trust

"Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it. " And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.
Mark 10: 14b-16


I'm finding it easy to become discouraged these days. Trying to stay in that place where I can focus on all the good in our lives and all of God's great provisions becomes a battle sometimes. His faithfulness becomes overshadowed by the immensity of our troubles. Marc and I have floundered a bit the past few days, trying to find emotional stability in the midst of illness and treatment.

Marc had his second treatment on Tuesday and has had a couple of tough days. His pain has returned, which is disconcerting -- not quite sure what is causing it. His fatigue and nausea seem better, but many of the other annoying side effects of chemo are taking their toll. As the physical burden becomes greater, the strength and courage to endure it becomes more elusive. The idea of continuing the cycle seems impossible in Marc's mind, but there is no way around it. He has to face this formidable giant. We prayed hard last night for strength, peace, healing, and comfort. Today, though, we both feel care worn and weary.

As his wife, I feel this tremendous burden to do something to help. I can't. All I can do is pray. A hard place to be. That would require trusting in the Lord, but I'm impatient and sad. My burden seems heavy....his pain, his nutrition, his rest, the shock of the cost of treatment, bills, the future. Oh, I could go on, but you get the idea. I know I should just hand those problems over to God, but for some reason I think I can do a better job. I'm stuck in that desert place and there seems no end in sight.

I wish sometimes I had my children's faith. They have been my examples in the last week on how to trust and believe that God will continue to be faithful and care for us. I marvel at the simplicity and innocence of their faith. I yearn for that peaceful place that they enjoy.

I told this story to some friends this week. It's a great reminder not to put limits on God's power.

We left for church Saturday night. As we were pulling out of the garage we looked up and saw that all the lights were on upstairs. Upstairs is the kids' floor and they are responsible for shutting off the lights whenever we leave the house. We nag at them constantly for forgetting this seemingly easy task. We lit into them again and they all finger pointed at their siblings. Finally, one of them offered to go back inside to shut them off, but we were already late. So, we left with the lights shining at who knows how many kilowatts per hour.

Julia finally declared that God would just have to turn the lights off for them. The boys snorted in the back seat, "God doesn't turn off lights, Silly!" I wanted to defend her, but really they were right....God isn't known for coming in and flipping the switch when we forget. The discussion died out and we made it to church without any additional conflict.

That evening, after service and grabbing a bite out with friends, we returned home. As we rolled up the driveway we noticed that the house was completely dark. Odd...no lights. Not just no lights....no garage door opener. The electricity was out. A strong rain storm and wind storm had ripped through our area that night, taking out the power. Marc and I looked at each other and laughed. God had turned out the lights. From her car seat, Julia muttered, "I told you He would turn off the lights." Matter of fact, just like that. She wasn't surprised in the least. Oh, to have the faith of a child!

See, my sweet girl gets it. She has the faith it takes to know that God is in control. The kids simply pray for their dad and trust that God has it covered. He has this figured out and he isn't wringing His hands, wondering how it's all going to go. They know He is sovereign, He loves us, and He can do whatever He wills....from healing my husband to rewarding my daughter's faith by turning off the lights. He can take this impossible situation and turn it into something beautiful. As a child of God I know He will pick us up after this, dust us off, and sit us on a higher place. The key is trust. I know I'll continue to watch my children very closely in days to come. I have a lot to learn from them...

Thank you, Adam, Ben, Julia, and Sophia, for showing us how to trust. Thank you for your faith and your innocence. God has truly blessed Mommy and Daddy by giving us such special kids. We couldn't be more grateful for our sweet children. We love you!

With love and gratitude...