The Eleventh Hour

Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.


Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.


Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.


You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.


In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.


Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.


For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.


Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.


I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.


For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.


Psalm 86: 1-13

Marc made the decision today to not take any additional chemotherapy treatments.  His care will be entirely palliative from this point forward.  After discussing the benefits of the chemo regimen with the doctor he decided it just isn't worth it.  At most the chemotherapy would shrink the tumor slightly, allowing him to eat and ease his pain; however, his body would likely only be able to tolerate six to eight treatments.  His body is not strong enough and his bone marrow would not be able to handle the toxicity for any longer than that.  After three or four months he would have to quit this line of treatment and the tumor would likely grow again and we would be right back where we are right now.  While three or four months in our world is substantial, the quality of life during that time would not be good.  For as sick as he is now, it would be worse with the side effects of the chemo:  Neuropathy, nausea, bone pain, cold sensitivity, cramping, and fatigue.  When he weighed all the information, he decided it's just not worth it. 

While we are abandoning chemotherapy, we are not abandoning our hope.  We know that God is still God.  He is able to heal Marc with or without chemotherapy.  He may choose to heal him in what we feel is now the eleventh hour.  Or, He may call Marc home.  Oddly enough, both of those scenarios scare us.  The idea of his healing and of his passing are overwhelming in their own ways.  Fortunately, we both feel at peace with the decision and will simply wait on the Lord to discover His will.

I just want to say that I stand by my husband on this.  While I would love to push him to continue his fight, I acknowledge that he knows what he can handle and what he cannot.  I am so proud of him.  He has fought this battle with tremendous strength of character and grace for over 16 months.  He inspires me daily and it continues to be a privilege to walk alongside him through all of this.

Our family would be grateful for your continued prayers.  Please pray for Marc.  Don't give up on praying for his healing!  Pray also that his symptoms can be alleviated -- he has a great deal of pain and has constant nausea.  Pray for our kids as they continue to process all of this.  They are struggling right now, but have (like their dad) shown amazing strength and grace over the last year.  I am so proud of them and inspired by their beautiful faith.  I also ask for prayer for myself.  I need strength to be there for Marc and for the kids.  I don't want to let any of them down. 

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  We feel so loved by all of you that are lifting us up.  We are blessed.

With love and gratitude...

Tomorrow

Tomorrow Marc will start his fourth official round of chemotherapy.  Could I ask you all once again to pray for him?  He is struggling right now and is dreading tomorrow.  He is tired.  He is in pain.  He is sad. 

With love and gratitude....

June 25th. Evening

We are home.  Finally discharged from the hospital this afternoon.  There was gross miscommunication, but it all boils down to the fact that Marc cannot have the operation the doctor had planned.  It is too risky given the location of his tumor.  So, we spent three very long days up at OHSU.  We are frustrated and very tired.

But, tomorrow is a new day.  We are looking forward to sleeping in our own bed and looking at things with fresh eyes tomorrow.  It is supposed to be very nice weather and we look forward to just being a family here at home.  We need it.

Next week will bring a new chemo regimen.  We will start the new treatment on Wednesday.  Please pray that he can tolerate the treatment and that it is effective.  Marc hasn't received any breaks during his whole cancer treatment.  He has been faced with one defeat after another.  My prayer for him is that he would get a huge break in the coming days.  The ultimate break of a complete cure would be ideal, but right now we could do with just a glimmer of hope. 

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  We needed everyone to help us carry our burden this week.  A special thank you to Lil, Lew, and Melanie for helping me with the kids this week.  I am grateful for the love my kids get from our family and friends.  Thanks for making their days as special as can be, while being sensitive to their anxiety and stress.   I am so very grateful for the blessing of friends and family.

With love and gratitude....

June 25th. Morning.

Believe it or not we are still waiting.  We heard from our patient advocate this morning and she is dumbfounded.  Nobody knows what the plan is.  We still don't have a surgeon, but they still don't have plans to discharge him.  It's been a long and depressing three days.  Last night was probably the worst.  Because Marc is prepped for surgery he has three IV lines, delivering everything from his nutrition to his blood thinners to two units of blood.  This made it uncomfortable to sleep and every time he moved or got up the pump alarms would go off.  Needless to say between the alarms going off constantly and the usual monitoring of the nurses, it wasn't a restful night.  Given our fatigue and frustration levels we are struggling to keep positive.  If it weren't so frustrating it would almost be funny....

We heard it rumored that the doctors are on rounds.  We have yet to see or hear from anyone.  Maybe soon.....We will keep you posted :)  Keep praying!

June 24th. Afternoon

Still waiting.  We saw a surgeon briefly this afternoon at 1:00.  He told us he would be right back.  That was three hours ago.  We remain frustrated.  We were told that his surgery might be tomorrow, but more than likely Monday.  That was the last information we received.  So, here we sit....not knowing if we are staying or being discharged for the weekend.  The highlight of our day has been unlimited access to the History channel and Discovery! 

We'll keep you posted. 

June 24th. Morning.

We still do not have a time for Marc's surgery.  The doctor that is supposed to do the surgery is on vacation!  They are trying to locate another doctor that may be able to do the procedure today.  If they can't he will be discharged and we will start this process over again.  To say we are frustrated is a gross understatement!  We will let you know when we know something.

The Latest Development

This has been a touch and go week at our house.  Marc was in the hospital last week starting a nutritional therapy that will hopefully help him regain his strength and weight.  He was having a hard time getting the calories he needed everyday.  He now receives the bulk of his nutrition through his blood stream via his port. 

He came home Monday feeling much better.  Unfortunately, over the last couple of days he has had more issues.  He found that he could not eat any foods without everything coming back up.  Basically his last real meal was last Friday.  He is no longer able to eat anything due to the tumor that has caused a blockage in his intestine. 

Today we met with his doctor and he was re-admitted to the hospital.  He is tentatively scheduled to have surgery tomorrow.  They will be putting a vent from his stomach to the outside of his abdomen so that he is able to release the pressure that accumulates due to the blockage.  This is a comfort measure, not a surgery to remove any cancer.

If he can regain some weight and if he can tolerate it, he will be starting a doozy of a chemo treatment next week.  Basically they are going to combine the first and second chemo regimens from last year and try to push back as hard as they can.  This will likely be the hardest treatment he will ever take.  The hope is that we can get the tumor to shrink back and stabilize. 

We have struggled a lot with the "why" questions this week.  Hope becomes harder the more bleak the outlook.  We fight losing hope and faith on a daily basis.  For Marc...he is miserable and feels like he hasn't gotten a break during this whole fight.  Nothing has yet to go the right way.  He is disappointed, frustrated, and tired.  For me....there is nothing I can do to make him feel better.  I watch him fade away by the day and am powerless to ease his pain.  For the kids...they are scared now.  They have seen how sick he has been and how sad he is.  This has been a very hard week for all of us.

But, we continue to pray.  We continue to hope for a miracle.  The doctors would tell us the odds are not in our favor....but we don't rely on odds....we rely on God.  As hard as it is.  As confusing and overwhelming as it is.  His ways are not our ways.  We don't know what the purpose to all of this might be, but we choose again to trust Him. 

I know many of you are concerned and want to help.  We are grateful for that.  The phone calls, emails, and texts, have been rolling in.  I am responding as I have time and energy.  I may not be able to respond to all of them.  I will try to post here and update as I am able.

Thank you for your prayers and support....
With love and gratitude...

My Dad: A Glimpse of a Bigger Father

And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”


Joshua 24:15

 

Dear Dad,

There are so many things I could write about you.  I could write about your character.  I could tell stories and pass along wisdom you have shared over the years.   As I have sat down to write over the past weeks, I always find myself wanting to express one thing:   Thanks.   So, that's what I'm going to do.  And, in expressing my thanks I think that folks will get a pretty good idea of how blessed I am to be your daughter. 

Thank you for providing for your family.  You have worked long and hard for many years.  As a kid I watched you sacrifice so much to give us a home and all of our basic needs.  You buckled down during hard times and always did what you had to do.  You took jobs you didn't like, you traveled far and wide, you took wise risks and started your own businesses.  Hard work was never beneath you and you seemed pleased to be able to give your kids what they needed and allowed Mom to stay home with us.  Thank you for being responsible and teaching us the value of honest hard work. 

Thank you for encouraging me in my interests and allowing me the freedom to be the the unconventional girl I was.  You taught me how to bait  my fishing line, where the best fishing spots were, how to saddle my horse, load a gun and sight a rifle.   You were proud when I pulled off the fifty yard shot and hit my target!  You taught me how to use tools, change the oil in my car, and how to hunt.   Though I was the typical tom-boy, you also encouraged my feminine side.  As long as I can remember, despite being an awkward freckle faced girl, you have told me that I was beautiful. I always knew I was special in your eyes.  You have always spoiled Mom and me, treating us like your special ladies.  I can't count the times you gave us special gifts or saved up to take us to a fancy restaurant. I always felt like your princess.  Mom was always the queen, though -- I always knew my place.  Nobody came before your wife.  Watching how you treated Mom allowed me to see what I wanted in my own husband. 

Thank you for the countless hours you allowed me to follow you around.  I loved sitting in your shop, my head swimming in a welding helmet, watching you work on a project.  I loved just hanging out with you.  We could have fun going to the dump, the hardware or feed store, or fishing out on the river.  My favorite memories are blazing around town in that big ugly van, listening to the Statler Brothers or Paul Harvey.  We never talked too much.  You taught me the value of being able to just enjoy a person's company without having to fill the silence with empty words.  I learned that sometimes quantity time is better than quality time.  I was blessed by the amount of of time you allowed me to be with you.

You made a lot of things special in my life, Dad.  You were the one that could always make me smile when nobody else could.  You love to give, laugh, and celebrate.   You love to serve and encourage others.  Those of us in your family and those that are your friends can attest to that.  You are a loyal and generous person.  I have watched over the years as you have given your time and money when both were in short supply. You did it quietly, anonymously, and with great joy.  What a legacy!

I think the thing that I want to thank you for the most is your faith, Dad.  You have lived it on a daily basis.  You yourself have always been the one that has pointed out our blessings in the bleakest of times.  You give thanks for God's provision and protection in our lives constantly.  You remind me even now that God has never forsaken us.  He has always been good to our family.  You have never wavered in your steadfast faith.  You have led your family beautifully over the years.  I can only imagine how hard that must have been at times as we all looked to you for the answers.  The burden never seemed to bother you.  In fact, you seemed honored and proud to serve all of us.  Thank you.

Dad, it has been in you that I get a taste of what my heavenly father must be like.  All that you have given me has directed my attention to the Lord.  The sacrifice, protection, and provision you have so freely given has been a beautiful reflection of God's perfect love for me.  I give thanks today to Him for giving me you.  I couldn't have asked for a better father. 

I love you, Daddykins.  Happy Father's Day! 

SF

Journey

We are home!  We spent the past week in California visiting family.  This was our first true road trip with the kids.  They did great and seemed to enjoy the adventure, though they all said they prefer flying.  I don't know what they had to complain about -- we borrowed two DVD players and game boys, brought countless books and activities, and made frequent stops.  When I was their age we got to enjoy the scenery and hold it for five hundred miles.  Wimps.

Our first stop was Bethell Church in Redding.  We have heard many wonderful things about their healing ministry and decided to check it out.  We picnicked on their grounds and then met with their pastor on call.  She and another staff member prayed over Marc.  It was really special to have the opportunity to do this with the kids.  They invited us back for their Sunday evening service.  We made it a point to be back in the area on the way back home.  While we were really tired and overwhelmed from our travels it seemed like a great way to start and end our trip.

Wednesday we met up with Marc's father, grandmother, two sisters, brother-in-laws, four nieces, and our nephew for a bit of a family reunion.  We enjoyed looking at pictures, listening to some stories and family history, and eating wonderful meals.  This reunion was all the more meaningful given the fact this was the first time Marc had met any of them!  We located Marc's father, Bob, about a year ago.  They had never met each other.  We were blessed to find out that Marc's grandmother, Lena, is still living and doing quite well.  We were also excited to know that he has two sisters.  I was fascinated to sit in a room with them and see similarities and traits they all share.  We now know where our kiddos' ears come from!  It was a memorable week for all of us.

Friday we left Los Banos and headed for the Bay Area and had a wonderful visit with Marc's sister, Jenni, our niece, and two of our nephews.  Jenni had met all of us for the first time seven years ago.  It was great to be able to talk about their experiences and emotions.  So much in common!  We enjoyed sleeping in, swimming in the pool, checking out the Pleasanton Farmer's Market, and enjoying Jenni's cooking.  It was wonderful to be part of their world if only for a couple of days.

We headed back to Portland on Monday, leaving the sunshine but taking with us lots of new friendships and memories.  I was reminded during our travels and experiences that God is not only capable of healing our bodies, but is also capable of healing our hearts and relationships.  We were grateful for this journey and for all it represented.  It was a great week!

Here are some pics of our adventures....Enjoy!

All new cousins!

Adam, Ben, Olivia, Julia,

Nikki, Sophia, Aiden, and Amber

Marc's dad and two sisters --

Bob, Kim, Angie, Marc

Marc's grandmother and two sisters --

Angie, Grandma Lena, Kim, Marc

Angie and Marc

Queen Jenni doing her kitchen thing :)

Julia and her favorite cousin, Chris. 

An intense game of Life

Helping Auntie Jenni bruise the fruit at the Farmer's Market

Two Gorgeous Girls -- complete with strawberry juice around the mouth!

My handsome hubby relaxing by the pool.

One Fish....

Two Fish....

Three Fish!

Catch ya later!

With  love and gratitude......

Adventure....

We are heading out on a bit of adventure this week!  This is an exciting week for the Griffiths.  Can't wait to fill you all in next week!  BIG memories in the making!

With love and gratitude....

A Compromise of Sorts

We met with the doctor this morning and we have a new plan.  After a great deal of thought and reflection this month, and after a lengthy discussion with the doctor, we have come up with a treatment that we think will meet Marc's needs. 

Marc has waffled between doing no treatment and doing another brutal round of chemotherapy.   While chemo will likely stabilize the cancer, it takes a terrible toll on the body.  Doing nothing leaves the tumor unchecked, but would have none of the ugly side effects related to the chemo.  A tough call.  Marc's system has not recovered from his last chemo regimen.  His fear was that by starting another round that he would never regain his strength or health.

Today we decided that he will take an oral form of the chemotherapy and eliminate one of the components.  This seemed like a reasonable compromise for the time being.  By going this route we will hopefully keep the tumor in check and allow his body to recover a bit.  He needs to gain some weight and strength back.  We will stretch this treatment out as long was we can before going back on the traditional treatment in clinic.

We would appreciate your prayers in the coming weeks.  We truly hope this modified treatment plan will give him some relief and not be too tough on his system.  Of course, we would love it if the tumor would decide to respond and shrink, too! 

Thanks for all of your support and prayers!
With love and gratitude....