The Eleventh Hour

Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.


Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.


Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.


You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.


In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.


Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.


For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.


Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.


I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.


For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.


Psalm 86: 1-13

Marc made the decision today to not take any additional chemotherapy treatments.  His care will be entirely palliative from this point forward.  After discussing the benefits of the chemo regimen with the doctor he decided it just isn't worth it.  At most the chemotherapy would shrink the tumor slightly, allowing him to eat and ease his pain; however, his body would likely only be able to tolerate six to eight treatments.  His body is not strong enough and his bone marrow would not be able to handle the toxicity for any longer than that.  After three or four months he would have to quit this line of treatment and the tumor would likely grow again and we would be right back where we are right now.  While three or four months in our world is substantial, the quality of life during that time would not be good.  For as sick as he is now, it would be worse with the side effects of the chemo:  Neuropathy, nausea, bone pain, cold sensitivity, cramping, and fatigue.  When he weighed all the information, he decided it's just not worth it. 

While we are abandoning chemotherapy, we are not abandoning our hope.  We know that God is still God.  He is able to heal Marc with or without chemotherapy.  He may choose to heal him in what we feel is now the eleventh hour.  Or, He may call Marc home.  Oddly enough, both of those scenarios scare us.  The idea of his healing and of his passing are overwhelming in their own ways.  Fortunately, we both feel at peace with the decision and will simply wait on the Lord to discover His will.

I just want to say that I stand by my husband on this.  While I would love to push him to continue his fight, I acknowledge that he knows what he can handle and what he cannot.  I am so proud of him.  He has fought this battle with tremendous strength of character and grace for over 16 months.  He inspires me daily and it continues to be a privilege to walk alongside him through all of this.

Our family would be grateful for your continued prayers.  Please pray for Marc.  Don't give up on praying for his healing!  Pray also that his symptoms can be alleviated -- he has a great deal of pain and has constant nausea.  Pray for our kids as they continue to process all of this.  They are struggling right now, but have (like their dad) shown amazing strength and grace over the last year.  I am so proud of them and inspired by their beautiful faith.  I also ask for prayer for myself.  I need strength to be there for Marc and for the kids.  I don't want to let any of them down. 

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  We feel so loved by all of you that are lifting us up.  We are blessed.

With love and gratitude...