Protecting Normal

I have found that the last two weeks have been the most physically and emotionally challenging.  We were told two weeks ago that Marc likely only had two weeks left to live.  Here we are two weeks later and are grateful to still have him with us.  We have braced ourselves for fourteen days, understanding that every day could be our last.  The unfortunate result of that mindset has been tremendous tension and anxiety in our home.  I have been irritable, the kids are fighting, and we are all exhausted.  By putting an expiration date on Marc, our minds became consumed with dying....not living.

Last night I sat with the boys in their room.  Bedtime is when their minds start to race and they have lots of questions and concerns.   Both boys expressed their wishes and concerns.  Things like....Dad is so thin it scares me.  I miss his voice.  I wish we could just have a man-to-man talk like we used to.  Nothing is normal.  When can we do stuff like we used to do as a family?

I sat for a little bit, listening to their hearts.  This summer has been hard on them.  We have spent countless hours at home, caring for Dad.   They have cabin fever to the extreme.  And yet, while being home all the time, very little about their time here has been very normal.  I had to admit to myself that I was feeling the same way.  I have been so consumed with Marc's care and the demands of the kids, that there has been little time to create times of normalcy in the house. 

The three of us trooped downstairs to say goodnight to Marc and to discuss some of the boys' feelings.  I was hoping they would get some of that man-to-man time they were craving.  The conversation that followed was a huge blessing.  The four of us sat and thought of ways that we could come together and just be a normal family.  We brainstormed several ways that we could catch glimpses of what we used to enjoy so much when Marc was healthy.  We know that it will never be the same, but in some odd way by listing things we can still do together we gained hope and a new perspective. 

So, first on the agenda this morning was breakfast.  Marc will often eat a simple breakfast in his room.  While we always do our best to make something he will really like, he admitted that eating by himself in his bedroom is lonely.  We decided to all wait to have breakfast until Dad could get up (late) and join together for a simple breakfast.  He was able to sit in the wheelchair and enjoy hot cereal with the kids.  Having everyone eating the same thing at the same time seemed to bring us happily together.

We came up with other ideas, too.  Having movie night together.  Instead of heading upstairs to the bonus room to watch movies on the big screen, we decided it would be fun to pile on Dad's bed and watch movies on his computer.  The boys decided that when they read a book, they can sit with Dad on the couch and read to him.  We thought it would be fun to make cookies that Marc can eat.  Instead of chocolate chips cookies with nuts, we will make a softer shortbread that he can easily chew and digest.  While each activity is a shadow of what used to be, it also protects what is normal for our family.  And, instead of focusing on what will inevitably come, we can focus on the unpredictable surprises of  lives being lived.

I am grateful today for my sons that reminded me that each day is about living.  None of us know when God will call any of us home.  By worrying about tomorrow, it has threatened to rob us of the joy of today.  Despite our circumstances right now, we are going to do our best to finish strong with our amazing Dad and husband. 

Thanks for the continued prayers....
With love and gratitude....