Beautiful Day

Marc and I took the afternoon today and spent some much needed time by ourselves.  I wanted to get Marc out of the house for a change of scenery.  Both of us needed some time alone, away from the phone and kids, to just be together. 

Our first stop was the local cemetery.  Sounds morbid and somewhat disturbing, I'm sure; however, we found it to be not entirely unpleasant.  Marc wanted to check out the cemetery down the road and see if it would be suitable.  We strolled around and looked at the grounds, stopping to look at headstones and markers as we went.  There were markers for people that settled the area in the 1800's.  There were markers for folks that had recently passed away.  We teared up at the miniature headstones, marking a parent's worst nightmare.  There is something about the loss of a little one that makes our suffering right now pale in comparison.  Marc surveyed the area rather matter-of-factly, stating his preferences for location and we were finished.  As we exited the cemetery I looked back and surveyed the entire scene.  I was struck by all the numbers of folks lost over the years.  Each headstone marking a loved one lost.  Oh! we do not corner the market in sadness or suffering!

After the cemetery we headed up to Timberline Lodge.  This was Marc's request.  He wanted to see it one last time.  Timberline Lodge is a very special place to both of us.  We had our first date there,  we were engaged there, and spent the first night of our honeymoon at the lodge.  When we arrived we immediately headed for the second floor and found "our" area and settled in.  As I sat there I found myself unexpectedly overwhelmed with emotion.  So many memories and then...the realization that we would never come to this favorite place together again.  As I sat there and cried, I was struck by the sight of a wedding party staging for a ceremony on the terrace.  After a pang of envy passed, I was struck by the joy of the couple's day.  I found myself saying to Marc, "I wonder...."   I caught myself and was choked up.  First, it was because of those simple words "I wonder."  A good many of our conversations over the years have started with "I wonder."  I wonder how this color of paint would look in the living room.  I wonder if it's a boy or a girl.  I wonder how they get the pencil lead inside of a wooden pencil.  I wonder.  Marc has been my best friend for fifteen years.  I love talking to him.  I love asking him questions and discussing life's big questions and the trivial ones that satisfy big curiosity.  My heart broke in that moment.  Again.  I am really losing my best friend.  My "I wonder" statements will not have an audience very soon.  I am going to miss him.

The other reason I choked up was because of the "I wonder" statement itself.  After I cleared my throat I tried again.  "I wonder if she is as happy as I was 13 years ago." 
"I know he's not." said Marc.  "He could never come close to how happy I was that day."
I sat and watched the bride exit onto the terrace and join her groom.  I laughed as a motley crew of individuals gathered at the window to watch the ceremony.  Nobody can pass up the chance to see a new family created!  It was fun to watch.

I sat on that familiar couch and thought back onto our wedding day 13 years ago.  It really was the happiest day of my life.  Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing.  I wouldn't trade one minute with this great man.  Our wedding day wasn't dramatic or expensive.   The ceremony and reception were simple.  Our family and friends were all present.  The memories came flooding back.  It was a beautiful day.  One I will never forget.

After I had soaked the three pathetic Kleenex I had found at the very bottom of my purse, I was done crying.  We moved upstairs to the Ramshead Pub and got a drink to share.  It felt like old times as we settled into deep conversation.  We discussed so many things:  When the oil needs changing on the car, when to get a new battery for the truck, who should get what possessions, how completely amazing our children are, places I should take the kids for a trip, how to back up the computer, and on, and on.  We covered details and concerns.  I asked questions.  He answered.  He taught me about the responsibilities that he needed to turn over.  Anyone eavesdropping on the conversation would have thought he was preparing for an extended vacation and was taking care of the last minute details.  And really...he is.

Last was a slow walk around the lodge grounds.  The weather was warm and breezy.  We sat in awe of the mountain and then turned and were in awe of the valley and the view.  Standing there, taking in God's creation, was so amazing and encouraging.  Our hearts, while sad, were also at peace.  We headed down the mountain while the sun was setting.  Gorgeous!  It was a beautiful day.  One I will never forget.