Letters....

I have had several more requests for copies of the letters that the kids and I wrote to Marc.   These were read at the memorial service.  Here goes....

Dear Dad,



I wish your cancer had been healed. I feel really sad that you couldn’t live. I wish you could be here with us right now. It would bring me much joy to see your face again. I miss going on hiking trips with you and going out to get donuts with you at Joe’s. I wish I could still snuggle up with you in bed. It makes me happy, though, to know that you are alive in heaven.


Thank you for being my earthly father. I promise I will see you in heaven.


I love you, Dad.


Adam

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Dear Dad,



I wish you could be here to do all the fun stuff that we have been doing. It’s really a bummer to not have you here. I wish you hadn’t left.


Thank you for being a good dad. It was fun do everything together when you were here. What I really miss most about you is when we went on camping trips together. I am going to miss you.


I am going to remember the note that you gave me. I promise to be a dad like you.


I love you,


Ben

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Dear Daddy,



I hope you are feeling better in heaven. I miss you a lot. I feel really sad that you are gone. I miss going out with you to do things. Nothing is the same without you.


I want to thank you for being my dad. You were the best dad ever.


I promise I’ll see you someday in heaven.


Sincerely,


Julia

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Dear Daddy,



I love you. It’s just that I miss you so much. I love you and I liked your hugs and kisses. It’s because you were the best daddy. I really liked you because you’re fun. I liked you because you are really playful. And you really tickle me so much. You have a family and we love you. I buried you today and I love you so much. It made me cry. I hope you feel better in heaven.


Love,


Sophia

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Dear Marc,



Alan gave me the assignment to write you one last love letter. Hmmm….I have procrastinated this for weeks. I have grown so weary of lasts. Our last date, last conversations, last meals, last smiles, last kiss, your last day, now my last letter. Last, last, last. There are no more lasts. Only firsts, and those seem almost harder. My first night crawling into bed without you there. I missed the sound of you breathing, the touch of your hand. The first day without you to care for. I missed the intensity of caring for your needs. My first day as a single parent. I miss your wisdom and patience. The first time I had to say the words aloud, “Marc has passed away.” Oh, Sweetheart, I miss you so much!


There was not much we left unsaid. I feel so blessed to know exactly where we stood with each other even unto the end. Many of the things we have said to each other or left in notes over the years are so precious to me. A lot of those things I am going to keep to myself. So much about our journey we have shared openly. Some things I want to keep just for me. You understand. They are in my heart and mind – treasures to reflect upon in the days, weeks, and years to come. Memories that will sustain me and remind me of a marriage and a friendship that were remarkable. Those memories are for me…for us.


But what I don’t want to keep to myself – ever – is the complete respect and admiration that I have for you. You are so easy to love. I have never once struggled with submitting to you. Your lead has been easy to follow. I always feel that you lead, not with your ambition in mind, but with the needs of me and the children in mind. You led me with a servant’s heart and I was blessed by you.


I thank you for choosing me as your wife and for working so hard on our marriage. I thank you for our four amazing children. I see so much of you in them. I will keep my promise to raise them in a way that will honor the Lord. I thank you for your faith, your grace, and your courage.


Your courage, especially, was incredible to witness. Thank you for having the courage to face cancer with faith and dignity. Thank you for taking treatment after treatment and putting your body through untold misery and never once complaining. I know you did it for me and the kids and I am so grateful. Thank you for having the courage to be present for the family during your entire illness. You never felt sorry for yourself and persisted as a husband and parent. You never gave up the fight and you never gave up your rightful place as the leader in our home. Thank you for having the courage to help others, even during your hour of need. You continued to pursue relationships, give advice, share wisdom, and inspire others, when it would have been just as easy to focus on your own needs and hurts. Thank you for having the courage to write each of us a beautiful goodbye letter. Your last letter to me. Your last letters to each of our children. Those were beautiful lasts. They were perfect and I can only imagine how it broke your heart to go through that . What a sacrifice. Thank you for having the courage to coach me through the maintenance of the house, the cars, and all the details of life that you needed to pass on to me . Thank you for constantly assuring me that I can do all of these things. You gave me the courage to face life as a widow and single mom with some semblance of confidence.


Marc, I miss you for a million reasons every day. I discover reasons to miss you constantly and it takes my breath away. I don’t know how I am going to do this without you, but I find inspiration in your courage and your wisdom. I know because of your example that I can do this if I do it one day at a time and if I trust in the Lord to help me through. I can continue on without you because you proved to me what real faith in Christ really looks like. Thank you for loving me enough to show me the way.


I love you, Marc. I miss you so much and can’t wait to see you again!


Love always,


me