Eye of the Storm

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Yesterday we had the quite the thunderstorm at our house. It was a big topic of conversation between friends and family today! Marc and I had heard the weather forecast and quickly brought the horses in and wrapped up stuff outside. We turned off all our electronics and shut all the windows. We then gathered the kids and made for the front porch for the big show!

As we sat on the porch we marveled at the size of the storm rolling in. We could see these huge grey clouds looming on the horizon. The air was really humid and all the birds stopped singing. We heard a few rumbles of thunder and the wind picked up. Within minutes we could see fast moving clouds rolling over us, lightning sparking on the edges. The thunder was non-stop and we were in awe of the lightning bolts cracking nearby. It was a powerful sight! As we watched the light show, we could see the wall of water marching right behind it. I'm not exaggerating -- it was literally a wall of rain. I know those of you in the Midwest and the south are accustomed to deluges, but here it is a unique sight to see a field flooded in minutes. The rain hit the roof and gutters so hard that we were behind a waterfall of rain and mist on the porch. Breathtaking to say the least!

Watching that storm roll over our property like a huge black blanket, I couldn't help but relate it to my own life this week. I have commented on several occasions that I feel overwhelmed by the constant barrage of stress and hard news. It seems that there has not been a break from the black rain cloud that has shadowed us recently. I don't mean to say that life right now is all bad -- I'm not quite Eeyore yet; however, I find myself growing weary of having to look past all the grief and stress surrounding us right now to find the blessings. I told Marc this week that I would welcome something just "plain good" -- some bit of news, an event, an interaction, that was pure and wonderful. Something to rejoice in. Instead, I have felt like I have been standing there with cloud after cloud rolling over me without an end in sight.

As I sat on the porch I noticed how excited my kids were. They were deliciously afraid at every crack of thunder and flash of lightning. As the rain started they were on the edge of the porch, gasping as the mist and rain startled them. They were enjoying the thrill of God's power. My mind until then was occupied with other concerns. I was wondering what I would make for dinner if the power were to go out. Did I turn off the computer? Were there any windows that I left open? And what about the garden? Would the seedlings that just popped up make it through such a powerful downpour? My kids' delight reminded me that sometimes the storm just needs to be experienced. There isn't anything else to do, but marvel at His power and stand in awe of what He can do.

I have thought a lot about the storm today. I feel like I have been in the eye of the storm all week, black clouds swirling around -- grief, worry, anxiety. But storms are powerful things. They demand our attention. And, as we watch, we get to see His power unleashed. So, in the midst of my stormy week, I look to the Lord to show me His amazing power and what He can do in my life. How is he going to use this turbulent time in my life to reflect His strength? How is He going to work His wonders through the midst of my storm so that we can all see Him? I just pray that I can react like my kids did to a thunderstorm. I want to embrace the experience with fear and awe, but with the anticipation that I am about to see something glorious in all of it!

Please help us prepare for next week. We would appreciate prayer for the following:

• That Marc's scan results are encouraging and that we are beating this cancer.

• That Marc's next round of chemo is tolerable and that the side effects (especially the numbness in his mouth and fingers) are minimal

• That his re-entry into the work world is positive and seamless. He is so excited to return!

• That I am emotionally strong enough to make it through Grandma's memorial service and burial. Her passing in and of itself is difficult, but the nature of her cancer and its result has hit very close to home for us.

• We have chosen to allow the older children to attend both services. We are praying that is a wise choice.

With love and gratitude....

Some pictures of our big storm watching!

Waiting for the storm...

A few minutes later. A few lightning strikes. Notice how dark it got!

Rain waterfall!

The audience decided it was a bit too wet and windy. Time to retreat behind the quilt.

Goodnight, Irene....

Irene McMenamy

September 3, 1918 - June 1, 2009

For your amazing faith; for your gift of prayer; for your persistent spirit; for wonderful meals, camping trips, and family memories; for your transparency and vulnerability; for your loving arms and sweet embraces; for your gift of hospitality and your delightful home; for the love and laughter you shared with all; for your delight in children; for your incredible work ethic; for all the joy, all the sadness, and all the blessings, we have shared as a family;

for these things and so many more -- thank you.

I will miss you, Grandma.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

The Gift of....Gifts

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

James 1:17

Marc and I were blessed last year to begin supporting a dear couple that is heading to Germany with Campus Crusade for Christ. John and Shelly will be working with Crescendo Arts, reaching Europe through the arts. We were excited about supporting John and Shelly for a lot of reasons, but what appealed to me personally is the gifts that these two individuals are using to serve others. Shelly will be serving through her art. John will be using his business skills. Two of my favorite things!

We have been amazed at their patience and trust in God while they have chipped away at raising support. More than a year has gone by and they are three quarters of the way there. While I know they have been eager to get going, I have been grateful to the Lord for their delay. When Marc was being diagnosed we were comforted by this couple as they would send us texts, asking how they could pray for us. They have faithfully prayed for us over the months -- on one occasion Shelly caught me in the foyer of church and just hugged me and prayed while I cried on her shoulder. I was so humbled. When Marc was in the hospital, they both arrived at my house with a delicious meal for me and the kids. They have consistently offered their prayers and support.

A couple of weeks ago Shelly called me and wanted to bring something by. She was vague, but I could tell by the smile in her voice that it was something special. She arrived with the most beautiful canvas art she had created. On the canvas she had placed painted silhouettes of birds -- one for each day of Marc's treatment. She had found many references to birds in the Bible and had focused on how God has used them to illustrate his love for us. She left Marc with more silhouette cut-outs so that he could continue the project until his treatment is over. As he finishes each round he spends time pasting the birds, counting down the days until his treatments are complete and reflecting on how blessed we truly are.

I am grateful for the spiritual gifts that each of our loved ones has brought to our time of need. Each one is so special. I am grateful for John and Shelly. This was a friendship that started out with a gift -- a pledge of support for their mission. It has resulted in a sweet gift of friendship. And, then there is the tangible gift that our dear friend labored over that reminds us daily that His eye is on us and His hand comforts us. Thank you, John and Shelly, for blessing us during this interim time in your lives. You are anxious to begin your mission work, but I would argue that you are serving beautifully here in a very meaningful way!

To learn more about John and Shelly, you can find them here: www.give.ccci.org/give/0603984

Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

Matthew 6: 25-27

With love and gratitude....

Creeping...

Well, Marc's tumor marker continues to creep downward. It's not plummeting as it did in the first two treatments, but I guess that is to be expected. It's still moving in the right direction and was at 87 on Tuesday when he had his blood drawn. We just pray that it continues to move in a downward trend. We are thankful for more good news today!

As I mentioned in the past two posts, Marc's next CT scan is this coming Tuesday. This is weighing heavily on my mind. We are praying so hard that we will see with our own eyes the change in the tumor. As a wife, I am desperate to see that he is beating this thing. I would personally covet your prayers in the next few days regarding this test and for his healing. While we have been encouraged at each of his exams, both of us want to see the scan and have visual proof. I am hopeful, but fighting anxiety.

Waiting...

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.


Lamentations 3: 25-26


Marc started treatment #6 today. We are half way there! His blood counts remain good and his side effects are not serious enough to back off his current regimen. Next week he goes for his first CT scan since diagnosis. We will find out exactly how much the tumor has regressed. I am anxiously praying for that day. We are hoping for dramatic results. We could really use some good news right now.

This treatment cycle appears to be a difficult one from the get-go. He hadn't been in the chair for an hour when the typical side effects kicked in. Please pray for Marc that he is able to tolerate this round without lasting effects. Surviving cancer is a daunting task -- both physically and emotionally. I would like my hubby intact in both respects when this is all over!

Thank you all for your kind notes and words of encouragement over the past few weeks. We are finding this cancer lifestyle to be difficult and emotional. It occurred to me while we were in the waiting room today that that is all we can do right now: Wait. It's hard to wait. In our immediate gratification culture I am not programmed to be patient and to wait for much of anything. So, the fact that we were forced to wait a month during the diagnostic phase was tough. We waited each and every painful day to find out exactly what Marc had. After the diagnosis, we started treatment. Now we wait anxiously to find out if the treatment is working and how well. If we should be so blessed that he goes into remission, we will wait and see if it relapses. A new lifestyle....a life of waiting.

I get really agitated when I think about this new aspect of our lives. We have no choice, but to wait. We can't rush this along. There is nothing I can do to fix this, no amount of anxiety and worrying makes it better, and we can't hurry along the process. I am forced to wait. Today I realized I do have a choice, though. I can choose to be anxious and agitated, my impatience wearing me down and taking me to dark places. Or, I can trust in the Lord. As I think about it, there is nowhere in the Bible that tells us to be impatient with, or to rush, God. Very little good has come out of that tactic historically. Quite the contrary. We are asked to be still, wait quietly, and trust in Him. Perhaps the blessing will come in the waiting. Seems hard to imagine, but He hasn't let me down yet. Sigh. One more hard lesson to learn.

Thank you again for all of your prayers and support. We remain ever grateful and humbled by the blessings of our many relationships.

With love and gratitude...

Numbers, numbers...

Just a quick update on a couple of things. First, Marc's tumor marker moved down another 31 points with the last treatment. We are encouraged that things are still moving in the right direction and we are making progress. His next CT scan is June 2nd. Please pray that we will have a miraculous report from that test! I am anxious for that day.

Second, this treatment round (#5) seems to be treating him a bit better. He is tired, but is not suffering from the nausea like he did the last two times. This is a huge answer to prayer.

Lastly, and on a completely different subject, our legal matters regarding the house fire have been resolved. The contractor settled out of court with our insurance company. We don't have to go to trial! Sigh. A huge relief to say the very least.

Many thanks for your continued prayers and support. While we are encouraged by the direction of Marc's treatment, we are certainly not out of the woods. In many ways I feel like we are in the initial miles of a marathon and I have hit "the wall." The waiting and uncertainty are daunting at times. I would appreciate your prayers. I'm finding this to be a long and uncertain road and in these past few days my shoes have felt really heavy.

With love and gratitude....

Restored Souls!

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His names sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For you are with me;
Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the
presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cups runs over.
surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Psalm 23



We're back! This weekend was all about retreating from the four walls of our house and getting away. We needed it! On Thursday we packed up the kids and joined our friends, Dave and Karen, and their kids, for a long weekend in Central Oregon. We had an amazing time and came back refreshed and encouraged. It was great to see a change of scenery and a lot of sunshine! We were up early every morning and packed in a lot of activity, lots of eating, and managed to sneak in some rest, too.

Marc did great and felt -- in his words -- totally normal. There were a couple of days when we really didn't even remember his cancer. An amazing gift of mercy from God. This was a weekend about just enjoying family and friends. It was a treat!

Tomorrow we face treatment #5. Please pray with me for Marc. These treatments are truly brutal and facing them every two weeks is an act of courage. It gets harder and harder every round to volunteer to sit in the chair and take medication that makes him sick. Just the thought of going to the clinic or the sound of his chemo pump are enough to give him nausea. This is becoming a mental battle -- one neither of us anticipated.

Also, please continue to pray that the treatments keep knocking this stuff down as powerfully as it has appeared to be doing in the past four treatments. This is the one consolation when it comes to all the nasty side effects -- at least it's working!

Lastly, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you that prayed for all the prayer requests last week. My grandmother is still with us, but it is day to day. Please continue to pray that we can grieve and continue to encourage each other as family. This is a hard time. Also, my brother left for his second portion of training in Georgia this weekend. He will be home in a couple of months on leave before he is deployed to Iraq. Please pray for his safety and health while he is gone. Lastly, we had the first of our legal proceedings the past week regarding the house fire two years ago. It went well on our end and we did not have to be present at the hearings today (allowing us one more sweet and restful day on vacation :) Thank you for praying so faithfully for us --God's hand in all of this is so obvious to us.

So...sorry to be gone from this place for so long. I hope to be back here a bit more this week. In the meantime, here are some fun pics from the trip. We had a wonderful time! A special thank you to Rocky and Patti for letting us use their house. It was great!

Hubby looking rugged...just hanging out...

The kids at Ft. Rock. A gorgeous view!

The Cowboy Dinner Tree. A fine dining establishment. To get there go to the middle of nowhere and turn left. Then keep driving....


Playing pioneers...

Brotherly love :)

Big man on a little bike. Don't ask.

What would Sunriver be without bike riding?